(301):

she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she’s lying

(269):

Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

(972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

(817):

Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.

(214):

I still make more money.

(318): Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?

(618):

Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??

(610): walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat

(215): watch out for the queen of hearts

(610): fuucck i forgot ab her

(812): No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.

(717): Fuck that. I’m not afraid to die. I’ll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet. 

(336): MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS